INVENTED : INFLATION EQUATION

Once again, everybody is crying out loud about inflation which is rising inversely in proportion to skirt length of Mallika Sherawat.I did a close study on this deviation previous night and have come up with a formula to calculate Inflation vs skirt length ratio.

IR = [Skirt Length of Mallika(in inches)/NP] + ^g -^s (keeping other factors constant)
Where
IR = Inflation rate
NP = No of parties involved in coalition government
^g = Rate of decrease in US aid to india
^s = Rate of change of Shiv sena's anti-vulgarity protest

Variable 1 : Skirt length of Mallika

Although looks difficult but that's a pretty simple equation which can be used in all the scenarios.Now, how I deduced that equation with the kind of intelligence i have, can be an interesting point.Inflation has risen rapidly since 2002-03 and if we take a close look at the Indian market condition at that time it is evident that it is the period when iconic Mallika sherawat entered into Indian film industry.But how mallika is related to Inflation. Here are the few factors which caused Inflation due to mallika's entrance.

1) Excessive use of Mobile phones : As her sensational performances kept on coming, people started gossiping more and more about her, hundreds and thousands of SMSes flooded during that time. she became an household name in lesser time than Nirma detergent power.People started wishing even birthdays on mallika's messages like "Ishwar kare Hardin Aapki khushiyan Petrol Ke bhav ki badhe, aur aapke gum Mallika Sherawat ke Kapdon ki tarah ghaten.". Airtel has calmed that this SMS has hit their network 15,000,00 times on Vajpayee's birthday, more than the amount she got for her first movie.She imposed a huge usage of mobile phones and pre-paid cards which market was not ready to handle it

2) Increase in sale of 'pan-bidi-chai' : Even in the small cities, the post work gathering sessions started getting longer and longer as people started discussing more and more about her mesmerizing performances in 'Murder' and sipping tea and puffing more bidi and sutta, Nathu pan wala shortly launched a PBC combo for rupees 12. Demand was so huge that PBS industry was unable to meet the requirements of their mouth watering products and all PBS walas increased their prices.
As the people started spending more and more on phones and PBS, their monthly savings decreased and they started to cut their expenditure on clothes which lead towards not so common short skirts(although claimed as a fashion but it was more due to money crunch) which further caused garment industry to smuggle more material from adjacent Bangladesh.

There are many more factors which can be i thought upon and i am convinced that main factor which lead to a sudden rise in inflation was indeed Mallika.

Variable b : Stability of Indian Government

This is again a tricky but simple point.More and more parties are involved in a coalition government, less are the chances of price to get increased for a particular thing in respective states. As our government lies on such a small stone that even a small party like Janta dal Union (which doesn't have enough funds to buy Ram Bilas Paswan a good blade) can make them sneeze so whenever finance minister tries to increase some revenues by rising prices, the party from the state consuming most part of it baffles and it has to be revoked by the government. Maharashtra and Delhi parties never allow price hike on fuel, Southern parties never allows price hike on cosmetics, Bengalis never allows price hike on Cigarettes and Bihar never let proposal of new educational institution pass.Govt has to put everything out of their pocket.The quota to a state is decided by number of MPs which are there supporting from that state.

Variable 3 : Rate of decrease in American aid to india

This factor needs no explanation as everybody knows how much independent we are, our stock markets reveals that regularly.

Variable 4 : Rate of change of Shiv sena's anti-vulgarity protest

Everyone scold Shiv sena for their rude attitude but nobody can deny that when shiv sena was in power, inflation was very much under control. Shiv sainiks used to enter every place wherever there was any sort of western activities like dancing, singing, cricket matches, award ceremonies or pravachans. They never allowed people to involve into Mallika oriented things and kept the country on the same old track for as in medieval India. Whenever they start protesting against anything, ladies stops wearing western clothes(like short skirts which as specified, is a big factor for inflation) and turn back to regular Salwar kurtas.They never allow people to get addicted to anything and keep market on track. I wonder how did Balasaheb foresaw that thing fifteen years ago. Now he wears thick glasses.

Combining all the factors an keeping them at respective places, this equation can be proved perfect, more perfect than Netwon's laws of motion.

Interesting theory, isn't it :):):)

GRANTed - Avram - The unsung Hero

Date - April,30,2008 (Just after CL semi final against Liverpool. Chelsea won 3-2).

After their historic win against Liverpool in Champions League second leg, there will be a flood of articles praising Avram Grant all over but i think this guy deserves more than a praise at least from a critic turned fan like me.

Nobody can tell better than 'big mouth' Jose Mourinho that how it feels to manage giants like Chelsea. His 4 year tenure at Stamford Bridge saw some historic moments in the club history comprising of winning premiership title after 5 decades and that too back to back, FA cup and Carling cup. He went on to win at least one silverware every season no way its a small
achievement for a club who didn't win Premiership for 50 years. but it was not enough for a club which has brought up each and every big name into the squad from around the world. Jose's inability to qualify for Champions League final consecutive years fell upon him and he was sacked after a not so convincing start for the season 2007-08.Then there came a name from
nowhere Avram Grant.

Grant although didn't have any major achievement on his back other than helping Israel to secure third place in Euro Qualifiers, his inclusion was more debatable because he was a close Friend of Abramovich. Nobody at stamford bridge was ready to accept that including players who came out openly against Mourinho sacking. Supporters were on rampage as they wanted
somebody big as big as players and not an introvert like Avram. No wonder he started his season as badly as he could losing 2-0 to United but then he started opening his cards.

Till March end, the EPL title fight was all revolving around United and Gunners despite of Chelsea's 16 match unbeaten streak and there perfect record at Stamford Bridge, almost everybody signed them off but Avram.There was a silent wind from Chelsea
which nobody heard until it turned into a storm. The storm which has led them equal to United in the table. It is evident that title will be decided only by the very last match unless Chelsea loose its run unexpectedly.

Avram took on the Diamond ship which was already very well made by his predecessor but this ship was sinking.Avram knew it from day 1 that he is in 'No man's land' with no support from anybody else other than Abramovich and his team.The silent man
led to some dead football in the beginning which was far far and far boring than the football being played by Liverpool, United and Arsenal but they were winning...silently.Everywhere there were news that Drogba, Ballack, Lampard and Shevchenko were not happy but they were still scoring. It was like a Pheonix, re-inventing from its own ashes.


They were never called good enough to compete in Europe an in some sense critics can still prove that as they didn't have to play any big team in champions league till quarter final stages. Only team which i think was big enough to match Chelsea was Valencia which is still fighting for its relegation in La Liga. They went on for a mixed results of win and draw in group
stages but Avram had other plans for Knock out stages. They went on to kill Olympiakos, Fenerbahce and now Liverpool to the Champions League final. Something which 'Special One' like Mourinho couldn't do in three years, Avram has done it in less than a year and that too with the same team.Nobody wanted to believe in Avram and i was no different but guiding Chelsea to their first ever Champions League final and standing neck to neck in table in Premiership has silenced all his critics, i am no different.

Whatever it is but Avram has prove every worth of his by proving each and every football 'pundit' wrong out there and all i can say is that Avram Football is GRANTed.

In the end, some famous chants against Avram from Chelsea supporters.

1) Avram out! Avram out!
2) Who are ya! Who are ya!
3) Are you Jose? Are you Jose! Are you Jose in disguise!
4) Do-do-doo, lets all hire Avram, Ooo-ooo-ooo, then we might score a goal.


A critic turned fan. Hats off Avram !!
(Being a united fan, i can see Chelsea losing both Premiership and Champions league final to Red Devils but Avram has emerged as undisputed hero for me this season)