Koffee with Karan : Ricky Ponting

Karan: Hello everybody today we have a special guest in our show.Surprisingly, he is not from film fraternity but he has prvoed himself a very good actor on and off the field.Let me introduce you to our today's guest...Australian captain Ricky Ponting.

(Lagan music played in the background...ricky enters. Karan kisses him on his cheeks. )

Karan : Welcome ricky, its nice to have you here. how it feels like to be called as 'invincible' for so many years.
Ricky : Thanks Karen. Its a great felling and all credit goes to tremendous hardwork put in by boys in recent years. Apart from usual training sessions they have been involved in various mental toughness activites. Symonds go for Victoria Secret's 'im no more scary' classes to keep his face well hidden behind his thick mop of crabshits, i mean hairs. Earlier, umpires used to shut their eyes whenever 'Roy' used to appeal for a leg before and caught behinds.
I remember once Billy Bowden pissed on his bed when he dreamt about Roy's furious appeal. Warne goes a full time course at Psycatric Rehabilitaion Centre immediately after India tours, Kasprowicz also accompanied him once just after Sharjah tour. I go to 'i can play off-spin' classes conducted by Gavin Robertson. you know everybody can play his off-spin so he has a good experience there. We generally have a brain-storming abusing session where we tie Hayden to a pole wearing mask of zorro and McGrath, Gillespie and lee abuse him and beat him with hunter.Bucknor goes for a 'make me white' personality development course...oops sorry.


(Baba Ramdev pravachans are played in background, Karan take out a pic of SRK from his pocket and starts staring lustily,
ponting starts solving yesterday's soduku).


(After 20 minutes).

Karan : Ricky, what is your opinion about GURU GREG,how good coach he is after a recent mess up in India.
Ricky : I respect GREG as much as i respect underarm. he is , you know a revolutionist.I idolize him since the day he discoverd under arm bowling.Once he told me about a magic trick called as 'BATMAN' where players constantly recite batman movie dialogues around a new batsman like 'You can't get away from Batman that easy, JOKER !!'. He gonna write a book on other tricks like SPIDERMAN, HEMAN, WEMAN, WHOMAN, WOMAN, PACMAN, YOMAN and yes, AXEMAN (ganguly knows this one better...giggles).(Sidhu laughters are played in background).He watched 300 until he found why this title was given to the movie and he was so inspired watching spartans figting againt thousands of barbarians that he never even care of billions(of
indians).


(300 dailogues are played in the background from various indian movies, Karan takes out pics of shirtless Salman Khan and starts $#%$#, ponting starts solving his sudoku).


(After 2 hours 36 minutes)...

Karan: Ricky, whom do you think is the most dangerous opponent batsman you have ever played with ?Ricky: No doubt, its NavJAT SIN SIDDU. First, he never brushes his teeths and secondly, whenver he comes to play he laughs on every chat on the ground. Several times players denied to field on silly point, slip and short leg as they got nausea becoz
of his bad breath.

(Sidhu laughters are palyed in background).

Stop it , now i am getting nausea. (Music stopped).some of his favorite all time jokes were whenever Healy used to say 'Come on warny get his ass', 'good ball boy', 'how wazzz thatttt', 'Right arm round the wicket' , 'wide ball' , 'drinks break',
'end of day's play'.

(Sidhu laughters are played again in the background, Ricky asks for spearmint gum, Karan takes out pic of Katrina kaif from his pocket and irritatingly put it back, then he takes out Aryan Vaid).

(After 1 and half minutes)...


Karan: So ricky, How do you prepare yourself before every TEST?Ricky: Well, if its Urine test, Buchanan ask us to go and piss in a bottle and add some acid to prevent oxidation. For blood
test, they take out some blood of Gilli and mixes it with . For alchohol test...i dont remember but i found they make some big spot on your ass.

Karan: Ok, Rick. We have a rapid fire round for you.Your questions, here it goes:
Question1: Which batsman scored century in his debut test against England.
Ricky enthusiastically interrupts.
Ricky: I dont need options, I know its answer. Mark Waugh ?
Karan: Your options are a) shahrukh khan b) John Abraham c) Aamir Khan d) Hrithik Roshan
Ricky: Who the hell are they ?
Karan: Sorry Ricky, its Aamir Khan in oscar nominated movie lagaan.(Sidhu laughters are played in background on this medievel
joke)

Question 2: Who is the highest run-getter of all time ? Your options are a) shahrukh khan b) John Abraham c) Aamir Khan d) Hrithik Roshan
Ricky : What the hell is this, Sachin Tendulkar is not even in the options.
Karan: Sorry, Ricky. Wrong again. Shahrukh khan in Karan Arjun...he runs in entire movie. No bollywood hero has run more than him ever not even balwant rai ka kutta. He is so cute naaa.

Question3 : Who among them have the best biceps in bollywood.

(A sound of tech director of the show from behind...this was for Mallika Sherawat show, u moron)
Karan : Ok, ricky..skip this question. Next question for you. Who is the greatest all time opener among them a) Shahrukh khan b) John Abraham c) Aamir Khan d) Hrithik Roshan
Ricky: Are you nuts ? Do they even play cricket ?
Karan: You are wrong once again Ricky, its Shahrukh. All his movies have best ever overseas opening record.(Sidhu laughters
are palyed in background).
Karan: Its your last question.Would you like to take me on dinner ?(A sound from behind...no personal questions please)

Karan: Who is called as 'Bengal Tiger' ?Ricky : Is it Saurav ganguly ?
Karan: No, you are wrong once again.Its Shahrukh Khan.(A sound from behind...he is right karan)
Karan: I was just kidding..its ganguly indeed. you performed amazing in this round. We heard you have very good frienship
with Harbhajan Singh. Tell us about that.
Ricky: We both wait a long time in the pavillion in between matches, he never get a chance to play and i get out early so
just a day before the match, me and BHAJI went to buy playstation. He likes 'Need for Speed' and so do I. On Vengaskar's suggestion, we purchased the same game for Irfan Pathan as well. We also play Tetris where my highest score is higher than his ODI ratings (giggles).

Now, we have a special guest for you here. Your close rival and indian off-spiner Harbhajan Singh.He will ask few questions and if you answer any of them correctly, you will get a Kismi Bar Hamper.
Ricky : Thats so easy. Call that moron.


Bhajji : Ricky, What did King Kong say when he called the wrong number?Ricky : He must have said 'sorry'.
Bhajji : No, he said 'King Kon ring wrong'.
(Sidhu laughters were played in background alond with Bishen singh bedi and moninder singh)

Bhajji : Next question, how much milk does my buffalo give ?
Ricky : What the hell is this !!
Bhajji : Just make a guess.
Ricky : 5 litres a day ?
Bhajji : You are wrong. I dont have a cow

(Delar mehandi song 'bolo tara rara' is played in the background)


Bhajji : Last question, How many seconds are in a year?
Ricky : Calculates for some time, that i know its around 31 556 926. Now, that Kismi bar hamper is mine.
Bhajji : No man, you are a complete idiot. Its 12 only, Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd etc
Karan : Sorry, ricky, you cudnt answer anthing. you have no knowledge about cricket, Maths, Movies and shahrukh khan.Get lost.This kismi bar hamper is for bhajji now. But i have something for you, its SRK's biography ‘Still Reading Khan’.


(Karan blushes, ricky bewilderes. Bhajji jumps and shouts "Kismi bar, Gimme a chance MR PAWAR !!")

Lights off...bhajji wake up suddenly and start counting stars....AGAIN.