AGONY AUNT 2009

Apart from spicy food, herds/flocks lazing and shitting around on the roads, puke on every street corner and b-grade film posters, one thing which i find fascinating about india in Agony Aunt columns in almost each and every newspaper and magazine. Be it a regional newspaper, a cook book, a sports magazine or a religious book, nothing is published without some alluring questions right there in the end superbly answered by Agony aunts.

I used to think whether it is a matter of proud that we Indians are so curious to know about each and everything or we are so dumb to understand these Agony aunts/uncles/whatever are not the messiahs or superhumans.I would have agreed to these points if anytime i would have seen our Defense minister or prime minister asking them about how to resolve the relations with neighbouring countries or our finance minister have consulted them before annual budget or at least a magistrate has gone to them before the final verdict for their opinion but pardon my ignorance, i had never come across any such thing. All the time i used to see people coming up with  questions and getting fascinating answers. But once i felt the aura of these heavenly souls, it changed everything for me. So, here i am  appealing to people to vote for AGONY AUNTS in upcoming elections. But why ?? ..then read further.

AGONY AUNT AS HOME COUNSELOR

1) I am an 18-year old, bubbly, attractive young girl. I overheard my parents, yesterday, plotting to get me married to a bald, pot-bellied man who is twice my age. This man has inherited a vast fortune and my parents feel that I would be financially secure. I want guy with long hairs like john Abraham, i feel like committing suicide.

Our Agony aunt Sulekha - Baby !!, You should try to convince your parents that bald man are out of fashion now a days and they are more prone to UV radiations. If they don't understand, contact Baba Bally(Hairy) Sagoo, he sits right opposite to Jhandewala temple and exports his Ayurvedic medicines to various African countries. Even i consulted him for my husband's problem.Do tell him my promotion code 231433.

Woww and people say India is laid back. Even the road side babas are using promotion codes. Thank u so much Agony Aunt.


AGONY AUNT AS FAMILY DOCTOR

2) I am a 17-year old girl having a huge pimple right on my nose and it is spoiling my otherwise Apsara(goddess) looks. I have applied all kinds of skin lotions on the pimple, but nothing seems to work. Please help.

(Like all the dermatologists are six feet under their graves)

Agony Aunt Sulekha - Baby !!, I don't believe in doctors, they suggest you some medicine which has more side effects on your face than the effect (sink...looks like entire Medical science is under the scanner now). Try some domestic treatment with a 5 gram mixture of turmeric powder with milk 6 times a day. It will give you relief. (RELIEF!!!, yes maybe..if she can handle diarrhea after that). If it doesn't help, please increase the dose to 8 times a day (and more visits to public bathrooms) or consult me back (for what ? Constipation..damn it).

Our Agony Aunts can definitely save some pennies for poor. 

AGONY AUNT AS LAWYER and a MATHEMATICIAN ??

3) My grandfather died last year, leaving behind a will which bequeathed 1/3 of his property to the first son born to his first wife, another 1/3 of his property to the second daughter born to his second wife and balance 1/3 to his third wife, who is missing. I am the second son born to the third daughter of his second wife. Can I stake a claim at all to a share of the property ?

Agont aunt Sulekha - Dear !!, As per the Logical equations, i drew a family tree of yours with 3 nodes and 3 leaves so I advice to cripple your first step mother and hang your third step mother, so that this tree will contain only one leaf and one node and it will be easier calculation. Please deposit 5% amount to ICICI Acct no XXXXXXXXX420 as my commission money (otherwise i will suggest the same to your step brothers...hehe)

Who says Mathematical equations are complex ? At least not for our agony aunts.

I can fill this blog with hundreds of questions which our Agony Aunts answer so proficiently that sometimes i get amazed whether we actually need specialists for different fields. More people listen to Agony aunt advices than Polio campaigns so widely publicized by government. Then why not to have them at all higher positions like cabinet, home ministry, IAS officers, health department and what not. In the end, we all need a government which listen to us and in which we all believe in.

So, Junta wake up and identify the true well wishers for you.

VOTE FOR AGONY AUNTS '2009

X-mas with Aamir

After going through all the hoopla and controversies surrounding it, i reluctantly decided to watch Ghajini over the X-mas holiday. Despite its terrific AR Rahman music and presence of 'Mr perfectionist', i had a substantial doubt whether this movie will be able to live up to the expectations created around in last few days. Being a great fan of Aamir and Memento, it was more difficult to see the downfall of both at once if somehow movie comes out to be a nightmare. But i am happy that i escaped both traumas.

Its not Memento - Although it is highly inspired from Memento in terms of Aamir's characterisation but it is not a Memento redefined. Keeping the basic plot same, director has very well merged storyline in chronological order keeping Indian audience in mind and see what, it works. It has a glimpses of Memento at some places but the entire story looks pretty fresh.
Aamir khan is a little bit of Guy Pearce minus dance, CEO and an amazing haircut.

Flawless Aamir  - Phew, what to say about him, looks like this guy is giving nightmares to SRK. When i thought Swades was better than any other Khan movies, he came out with TZP. SRK's six packs is pretty ordinary compared to 8 packs by Aamir, Paheli was nowhere in Oscars but Lagaan was. Not going into 'Who is the number 1 khan' crap, Aamir has done phenomenal work with his character, an intense but lovable performance. It doesn't matter if the film sinks at the box office but Aamir has definitely gained more applauds from his fans and critics, one of the best Aamir performance ever. Maybe the film has some flaws and loopholes but there is not a single finger on Aamir's performance and commitment.

The Love Story - Looks like a little bit too much as far the intensity of film is concerned, but Director has wrapped it around in a nice nutshell. Unexpectedly for me, that new Tamil gal has done a decent job although its little loud at the times but Jiah khan is disappointing and totally unglamourous. Why the hell she was wearing 90's costumes all the time ?? The love story definitely lacked a spark but Rahman has come up as a saviour with cool on screen and background scores. Aamir has done TZP again, he has given more screen presence to Asin in most of their love chemistry part.

The Hate story - Named Ghajini, the villian is again a weak link. i love that Rajasthani accent of his but he was not convincing at all. I would have loved to see the Rahul Dev here but maybe he is too hot to be given the name 'Dharmatma'....sigh sigh sigh. The last half n hour Run and Chase sequence is amazing, full credit to cameraman, looks fairly original and digestible with little analogous to Korean classic OLDBOY. Definitely Aamir khan has taken 'How to fight fifty at once' from Prabhuji but obviously he had more funds to spend.He fights only one at a time.


Overall, i will say

Aamir Khan fans - Must watch !!
Asin fans - Watch it !

Memento fans - Its a new experience, don't expect it to be a Memento.

Jiah Khan fans - If you like Jiah Khan, go for it. If you like 'Hot jiah Khan', please don't dare to see.

Bollywood fans - A cool breeze for you !!

Critics - Doesn't matter, they are anyway going to watch it to criticize it.

Definitely going to be in my collection sometime soon.

This doctor answered the call of duty

The doctor who answered the call of duty (Source : rediff.com)

When he was told to attend a shoot-out call at the Taj Heritage hotel, little did Dr Shaikh realise what was to follow. Despite watching terrorists going on a killing spree and grenades going off a few metres away from him, he called upon all his inner strength and courage, and stayed back to help the injured. He does not know how many lives he managed to save, but one thing is sure -- he tried his best to save as many as possible.
Dr Shaikh narrates his experience to rediff.com:
'I work with Dr Kriplani, who is attached with Taj hotel. I got a call from him around 10.15 PM on Wednesday that there is an emergency and that somebody has been hit by a bullet. It felt very strange when I reached the Taj because usually there are a lot of people outside the hotel. But nobody was there and all the people I could see were far away from the Taj. I thought within that something was wrong, but I said to myself 'let's go inside and check'.
'The moment I entered the hotel, I saw a lot of people lying on the ground (in the lobby) out of which some were crying, while others were not breathing and maybe dead already. So immediately, I realised that this was not a normal fight or something, but maybe a terrorist attack and I rushed out immediately. But when I tried to step out, a security from the hotel told me not to run but stand aside because bullets were being shot outside. I stood at one side and wondered whether I should stay back or leave.
'Then, a few minutes later a lot of security and policemen arrived. I went in with them again and I saw around 7-8 people on the floor at the gate of the lobby itself. Then I along with the police tried to get them to the hospital. In fact, I was the first person to call the ambulance from a hospital located close to the Taj. The ambulance arrived within five minutes and immediately we started shifting the injured. I was instructing them which patient was salvageable and instructed the guys to take them to Bombay Hospital, GT Hospital or St George's Hospital. Unfortunately, nothing much could be about done about the people who were already dead and which is why priority was given to people who were injured.
'Firing was still on but not near the gate or the lobby. We then shifted to the Heritage part of the building where I started attending to patients because Dr Kriplani told me it was not safe to be in the lobby of the new building. Almost immediately, I heard a grenade blast at the spot where I was standing previously. That scared us a lot and we thought the whole building might collapse. But gradually it started happening everywhere on the road and on the side of the building. For two hours, we were busy helping people and around midnight, we heard another big blast inside the hotel. We got scared again and ran out of the Taj from the front gate towards the Gateway of India. We were waiting outside the hotel till 6 AM in the morning waiting to help people.
'We also went to inform the fire brigade, who were standing at the corner near Colaba since there was a huge fire on the top of the Taj on the front side. As we were walking to inform them, we passed through one of the most dangerous places where bombs were constantly going off. That was a very scary situation and one of the persons walking behind us was hit by a bullet on his back.
'In between, several times, we thought of leaving the place but being doctors we stayed back and decided to help the victims. We had also got the message that there were incidents of firing on a few places. So we thought it was not be safe to even get on the road.
'As I entered the Taj Hotel lobby, I actually saw one terrorist firing and running towards the other corner in the Taj Heritage wing. People were lying on the floor of the corridor; they were either injured or dead, and I saw this guy running and climbing up the stairs in the old building towards the upper floors.
'I got some courage watching a few people around me working in the lobby. I think doctors were the most needed people there than others and I was glad to help them. We were only deciding on which patient was to be taken to the hospital out of the bodies fallen all around the lobby. One patient, a foreigner, was shot on the chest but was still breathing and I told the helpers to shift him to the hospital urgently since there was a chance of saving his life.
'The terrorists used modern guns and I think that is why the injuries were more deep and fatal unlike the old guns. The maximum number of injuries that happened in the lobby was mainly because of bullets and not grenades. This was one of the worst days of my life. I saw so many people being shot at and blasts were happening right in front of us. We even saw terrorists burning curtains on fifth and sixth floor after which there was a huge fire. Before this, I had never seen such a huge amount of destruction and so many people dead and injured. It will stay with me forever.'