GOLDEN TURKEY

All around the time we see some self proclaimed movie critics imposing their reviews on innocent junta. I really don't understand how true they are as i have never seen any Yash Chopra movie, howsoever ridiculous it is, getting less than 6/10 other than JBJ aka jhoom barabar jhoom. In all the theaters, watchmen had a hard time and they named it JBJ aka Jaago Bete Jaago.If there are any 'Indian Golden Turkey' awards, i think there are a whole bunch of movies which can make it.Have a look at those chosen ones which have got rating in between 1 to 3 (highest number of votes) in my list.

Rating 1 - The 'EYE FLU' movies - These kind of movies are really hazardous to your eyes and brain, highly recommended to stay away from them all the time. They are so irritating that even a promo of these movies can give you black eye.Though i haven't watched any of them but i wont even dare to watch even if i am offered a free full body massage by Stacy Kiebler.

The top nominations in this category are :

1) Pyaare mohan - I am not anti-Vivek and Fardeen but Tom, Dick and Harry has given me so much pleasure that i am in no mood to watch another set of sick jokes on handicapped and crippled.Only watch if you are too buzzed to understand anything.

2) Laga Chunari mein daag - Despite of all the gaga over Rani's acting,you need to watch this piece of crap by YashRaj camp to acknowledge her talent..she has already proved herself in Black, Yuva and Saathiya.Only watch if you are enjoying a porn channel and your younger brother rushes around looking for his basketball.

3) Rocky 'The Rebel' - Even if the Zayed aura alone was not enough, here you have 'Zayed the rebel'. I am sure it will be a laugh riot watching him ACTING as angry young man and a lover boy with the same twisted face but i will prefer 'Jo bole so nihaal' or 'Big Brother'if i need some headache.

The 'VENOMOUS EYE FLU' actor - The winner in this category is none other than Uday Chopra.He has been unsuccessfully launched more than 1st ever Russian satellite to moon.The 'DEADLY EYE FLU' director - Who else? Deepak Tijori it is. I dont believe he is still making films after OOPs, Tom DIck and Harry and Khamoosh..


Rating 2 - The 'Maggi Noodles' movies - These movies are so well crafted that even 2 minutes of them can turn you into a killer and you wish to hit the person right behind you to get some payback of your money back. It is highly advisable to change the channel as soon as you get glimpse of any of them.

1) I see You - Please please please change it to I 'will never' see you. Arjun Rampal's home production looks as bad as structure of other production houses who dared to make movie with Arjun Rampal.Even the first look of this movie can make you feel sick and probably you need a week of YOGA classes to stabilize yourself.

2) Asambhav - What to say ? The name says it all. I watched it for 20 minutes and i got nightmares in the night where Arjun Rampal 'the Hulk' was sent to rescue Indian President. Come on...its Indian president, one guy and that too Arjun Rampal. Even the choice was indigestible..i would have loved to watch Sunny Paaji doing Gadar in Switzerland.

3) Gayab - How can there be any list without the mention of 'tFussssar Kapoot'. I still cant distinguish between his Smile [Mujhe Kucch Kehna Hai], Anger[Khakee], bewilderment [Golmaal] and Comedy [Dhol]. He is Its better he is 'Gayab' in the whole movie but even the other characters are so irritating that you need a whole lot of sleeping pills after that.

The 'MAGGIE NODDLE' actor - No prizes for guesses, its a tie between Arjun Rampal and TFusssar Kapoot.The 'MAGGIE NOODLE' director - It took me little longer to remember but no doubt its Sunny's favorite Guddu Dhanoa. Not enough..just check out few of his classics in recent years[BigBrother,Kismat,Jaal:TheTrap,Hawa,Aflatoon,Ziddi,TuChorMainSipahi,Gundaraj,Elaan] ...moreover he is the only guy which i couldn't find on wikipedia in my entire search history. A typical 'MAGGI' stuff.


Rating 3 - The 'MARUTI SUZUKI' movies - Just like the ad where a child cries 'Papaji, petrol khatam hi nahi hota', they are so much 'paisa vasool' that they keep on going and going and going, and the time your are out of cinema hall half of your hairs are not on your head because of scratching and half has turned white.Highly recommended for those who like all those
stupid Saas-Bahu sagas.

1) Umrao Jaan - Wow...if you have missed the entire Mughal history, this is the movie to watch out for..it is equivalent to 30 documentaries on entire Akbar's parliament. You can take a sleep for 4 hours and wake up and can still find the scene at the same place..the only classy thing about this movie is Anu Malik's music...its too classy.Ranbaxy got its music rights and are promoting free with their sleeping pills.

2) Ek Chotti si love story - I think it got some terrible mistake in editing, almost one scene is repeated 7-8 times in the entire movie and only other scene is 'the end'.Its like star gazing, you see same things again and again in the desire to find something and end up with a freaky DECCAN AIRWAYS craft which you misunderstand as some UFO. It can be used as a puzzle
in quiz competitions...identify the difference between these two pictures.The only difference is zoom of the telescope which that teenager use to spy on Manisha's body double.

3) Yaadein - Its not a movie actually, its a music album with one song 'Baatein bhool jaati hai, yaadein yaad aati hai' with a three hour mournful music video. Its better for me to leave it the way it is.

The 'MARUTI SUZUKI' actor - Its none other than Aftab Shivdasani. this guy is still working like Maruti Suzuki ESTEEM without even a single decent hit in 10 years.I didnt know there are so many homosexuals in India.The 'MARUTI SUZUKI' director - Its s.Ramanathan, the guy who made movie 'Zamannat' (1997-2007). It is said that it took around 10 years to release. Reliable sources has reported that Ramanathan used to go to Diamond mines in Africa, work
for 1 year, come back when he get enough budget for the movie and then start shooting again. It reminds you of the days when Big B had black beard, anupam Kher had some last crop of hairs and Ayub Khan had Vicco advertisement.

SPECIAL RECOGNITION - VAADA - Here you have both Arjun Rampal and Zayed Khan..gem of a movie.

This list can never end and wait for the time we come back with next category of awards. Indian cinema is full of masterpieces.

The Chosen one

A sigh, a whisper took my breath away
she almost knocked me off, crossing my way
her glittering eyes, left me ice cold
an incomplete story, still unfold
I was mesmerized, it looked evident
today, i escaped another accident !!