AGONY AUNT 2009

Apart from spicy food, herds/flocks lazing and shitting around on the roads, puke on every street corner and b-grade film posters, one thing which i find fascinating about india in Agony Aunt columns in almost each and every newspaper and magazine. Be it a regional newspaper, a cook book, a sports magazine or a religious book, nothing is published without some alluring questions right there in the end superbly answered by Agony aunts.

I used to think whether it is a matter of proud that we Indians are so curious to know about each and everything or we are so dumb to understand these Agony aunts/uncles/whatever are not the messiahs or superhumans.I would have agreed to these points if anytime i would have seen our Defense minister or prime minister asking them about how to resolve the relations with neighbouring countries or our finance minister have consulted them before annual budget or at least a magistrate has gone to them before the final verdict for their opinion but pardon my ignorance, i had never come across any such thing. All the time i used to see people coming up with  questions and getting fascinating answers. But once i felt the aura of these heavenly souls, it changed everything for me. So, here i am  appealing to people to vote for AGONY AUNTS in upcoming elections. But why ?? ..then read further.

AGONY AUNT AS HOME COUNSELOR

1) I am an 18-year old, bubbly, attractive young girl. I overheard my parents, yesterday, plotting to get me married to a bald, pot-bellied man who is twice my age. This man has inherited a vast fortune and my parents feel that I would be financially secure. I want guy with long hairs like john Abraham, i feel like committing suicide.

Our Agony aunt Sulekha - Baby !!, You should try to convince your parents that bald man are out of fashion now a days and they are more prone to UV radiations. If they don't understand, contact Baba Bally(Hairy) Sagoo, he sits right opposite to Jhandewala temple and exports his Ayurvedic medicines to various African countries. Even i consulted him for my husband's problem.Do tell him my promotion code 231433.

Woww and people say India is laid back. Even the road side babas are using promotion codes. Thank u so much Agony Aunt.


AGONY AUNT AS FAMILY DOCTOR

2) I am a 17-year old girl having a huge pimple right on my nose and it is spoiling my otherwise Apsara(goddess) looks. I have applied all kinds of skin lotions on the pimple, but nothing seems to work. Please help.

(Like all the dermatologists are six feet under their graves)

Agony Aunt Sulekha - Baby !!, I don't believe in doctors, they suggest you some medicine which has more side effects on your face than the effect (sink...looks like entire Medical science is under the scanner now). Try some domestic treatment with a 5 gram mixture of turmeric powder with milk 6 times a day. It will give you relief. (RELIEF!!!, yes maybe..if she can handle diarrhea after that). If it doesn't help, please increase the dose to 8 times a day (and more visits to public bathrooms) or consult me back (for what ? Constipation..damn it).

Our Agony Aunts can definitely save some pennies for poor. 

AGONY AUNT AS LAWYER and a MATHEMATICIAN ??

3) My grandfather died last year, leaving behind a will which bequeathed 1/3 of his property to the first son born to his first wife, another 1/3 of his property to the second daughter born to his second wife and balance 1/3 to his third wife, who is missing. I am the second son born to the third daughter of his second wife. Can I stake a claim at all to a share of the property ?

Agont aunt Sulekha - Dear !!, As per the Logical equations, i drew a family tree of yours with 3 nodes and 3 leaves so I advice to cripple your first step mother and hang your third step mother, so that this tree will contain only one leaf and one node and it will be easier calculation. Please deposit 5% amount to ICICI Acct no XXXXXXXXX420 as my commission money (otherwise i will suggest the same to your step brothers...hehe)

Who says Mathematical equations are complex ? At least not for our agony aunts.

I can fill this blog with hundreds of questions which our Agony Aunts answer so proficiently that sometimes i get amazed whether we actually need specialists for different fields. More people listen to Agony aunt advices than Polio campaigns so widely publicized by government. Then why not to have them at all higher positions like cabinet, home ministry, IAS officers, health department and what not. In the end, we all need a government which listen to us and in which we all believe in.

So, Junta wake up and identify the true well wishers for you.

VOTE FOR AGONY AUNTS '2009

X-mas with Aamir

After going through all the hoopla and controversies surrounding it, i reluctantly decided to watch Ghajini over the X-mas holiday. Despite its terrific AR Rahman music and presence of 'Mr perfectionist', i had a substantial doubt whether this movie will be able to live up to the expectations created around in last few days. Being a great fan of Aamir and Memento, it was more difficult to see the downfall of both at once if somehow movie comes out to be a nightmare. But i am happy that i escaped both traumas.

Its not Memento - Although it is highly inspired from Memento in terms of Aamir's characterisation but it is not a Memento redefined. Keeping the basic plot same, director has very well merged storyline in chronological order keeping Indian audience in mind and see what, it works. It has a glimpses of Memento at some places but the entire story looks pretty fresh.
Aamir khan is a little bit of Guy Pearce minus dance, CEO and an amazing haircut.

Flawless Aamir  - Phew, what to say about him, looks like this guy is giving nightmares to SRK. When i thought Swades was better than any other Khan movies, he came out with TZP. SRK's six packs is pretty ordinary compared to 8 packs by Aamir, Paheli was nowhere in Oscars but Lagaan was. Not going into 'Who is the number 1 khan' crap, Aamir has done phenomenal work with his character, an intense but lovable performance. It doesn't matter if the film sinks at the box office but Aamir has definitely gained more applauds from his fans and critics, one of the best Aamir performance ever. Maybe the film has some flaws and loopholes but there is not a single finger on Aamir's performance and commitment.

The Love Story - Looks like a little bit too much as far the intensity of film is concerned, but Director has wrapped it around in a nice nutshell. Unexpectedly for me, that new Tamil gal has done a decent job although its little loud at the times but Jiah khan is disappointing and totally unglamourous. Why the hell she was wearing 90's costumes all the time ?? The love story definitely lacked a spark but Rahman has come up as a saviour with cool on screen and background scores. Aamir has done TZP again, he has given more screen presence to Asin in most of their love chemistry part.

The Hate story - Named Ghajini, the villian is again a weak link. i love that Rajasthani accent of his but he was not convincing at all. I would have loved to see the Rahul Dev here but maybe he is too hot to be given the name 'Dharmatma'....sigh sigh sigh. The last half n hour Run and Chase sequence is amazing, full credit to cameraman, looks fairly original and digestible with little analogous to Korean classic OLDBOY. Definitely Aamir khan has taken 'How to fight fifty at once' from Prabhuji but obviously he had more funds to spend.He fights only one at a time.


Overall, i will say

Aamir Khan fans - Must watch !!
Asin fans - Watch it !

Memento fans - Its a new experience, don't expect it to be a Memento.

Jiah Khan fans - If you like Jiah Khan, go for it. If you like 'Hot jiah Khan', please don't dare to see.

Bollywood fans - A cool breeze for you !!

Critics - Doesn't matter, they are anyway going to watch it to criticize it.

Definitely going to be in my collection sometime soon.

This doctor answered the call of duty

The doctor who answered the call of duty (Source : rediff.com)

When he was told to attend a shoot-out call at the Taj Heritage hotel, little did Dr Shaikh realise what was to follow. Despite watching terrorists going on a killing spree and grenades going off a few metres away from him, he called upon all his inner strength and courage, and stayed back to help the injured. He does not know how many lives he managed to save, but one thing is sure -- he tried his best to save as many as possible.
Dr Shaikh narrates his experience to rediff.com:
'I work with Dr Kriplani, who is attached with Taj hotel. I got a call from him around 10.15 PM on Wednesday that there is an emergency and that somebody has been hit by a bullet. It felt very strange when I reached the Taj because usually there are a lot of people outside the hotel. But nobody was there and all the people I could see were far away from the Taj. I thought within that something was wrong, but I said to myself 'let's go inside and check'.
'The moment I entered the hotel, I saw a lot of people lying on the ground (in the lobby) out of which some were crying, while others were not breathing and maybe dead already. So immediately, I realised that this was not a normal fight or something, but maybe a terrorist attack and I rushed out immediately. But when I tried to step out, a security from the hotel told me not to run but stand aside because bullets were being shot outside. I stood at one side and wondered whether I should stay back or leave.
'Then, a few minutes later a lot of security and policemen arrived. I went in with them again and I saw around 7-8 people on the floor at the gate of the lobby itself. Then I along with the police tried to get them to the hospital. In fact, I was the first person to call the ambulance from a hospital located close to the Taj. The ambulance arrived within five minutes and immediately we started shifting the injured. I was instructing them which patient was salvageable and instructed the guys to take them to Bombay Hospital, GT Hospital or St George's Hospital. Unfortunately, nothing much could be about done about the people who were already dead and which is why priority was given to people who were injured.
'Firing was still on but not near the gate or the lobby. We then shifted to the Heritage part of the building where I started attending to patients because Dr Kriplani told me it was not safe to be in the lobby of the new building. Almost immediately, I heard a grenade blast at the spot where I was standing previously. That scared us a lot and we thought the whole building might collapse. But gradually it started happening everywhere on the road and on the side of the building. For two hours, we were busy helping people and around midnight, we heard another big blast inside the hotel. We got scared again and ran out of the Taj from the front gate towards the Gateway of India. We were waiting outside the hotel till 6 AM in the morning waiting to help people.
'We also went to inform the fire brigade, who were standing at the corner near Colaba since there was a huge fire on the top of the Taj on the front side. As we were walking to inform them, we passed through one of the most dangerous places where bombs were constantly going off. That was a very scary situation and one of the persons walking behind us was hit by a bullet on his back.
'In between, several times, we thought of leaving the place but being doctors we stayed back and decided to help the victims. We had also got the message that there were incidents of firing on a few places. So we thought it was not be safe to even get on the road.
'As I entered the Taj Hotel lobby, I actually saw one terrorist firing and running towards the other corner in the Taj Heritage wing. People were lying on the floor of the corridor; they were either injured or dead, and I saw this guy running and climbing up the stairs in the old building towards the upper floors.
'I got some courage watching a few people around me working in the lobby. I think doctors were the most needed people there than others and I was glad to help them. We were only deciding on which patient was to be taken to the hospital out of the bodies fallen all around the lobby. One patient, a foreigner, was shot on the chest but was still breathing and I told the helpers to shift him to the hospital urgently since there was a chance of saving his life.
'The terrorists used modern guns and I think that is why the injuries were more deep and fatal unlike the old guns. The maximum number of injuries that happened in the lobby was mainly because of bullets and not grenades. This was one of the worst days of my life. I saw so many people being shot at and blasts were happening right in front of us. We even saw terrorists burning curtains on fifth and sixth floor after which there was a huge fire. Before this, I had never seen such a huge amount of destruction and so many people dead and injured. It will stay with me forever.'

REALITY BITES

I make you giggle and give a little smile
I make you worried for a little while

I tell you truth and always obey you
I burn all my life but always work for you

I change your mood and i am your voice
I am your mirror and your life's big spice

Then why you scold me all the time, One day my Laptop asked me.

TOUCHDOWN !!

So here i go knocking another chapter of my life, carrying the memories of the days when we used to pack our favorite lunch boxes with a box of candies, proud of being the one, thinking of all the wishes and considerate attention for at least a day in the school and waiting for the evening to swallow the delicious cake and opening presents at home. Nothing in this world would have made us happier than that 'very special day', Umm...I was 10 then.

Carrying the memories of the days when it changed into the most terrifying day of your life. The day you think about your friends with sandals, shoes, belts and whatever in their hands waiting for the clock to touch the midnight mark and with each tick of the clock, your heart sinking with a goddamn speed. A cunning smile on their faces and a fear in your eyes. A good round of brutality, good enough to make you swallow 2-3 painkillers with another two days of body ache compensated by a lot of hugs and warmth. It was 'the pleasure' and nothing would have made you happier than that 'very special day', i was 18 then.

And now, its the time where you want IT to be a little relaxing and a little more meaningful, a good round of food with a day's hangout and a movie, brief phone conversations, 'thank you' replies to emails, a small cake cutting ceremony and a new promise to yourself, a sense of determination. Its not like the days we used to jump like monkeys on that 'very special' day but it has tunred into a more satisfying, refreshing experience.


Probably 10 years down the line, it will just change into just a dinner with your family and friends and that too once in two years. Changes are bound to happen with the change in your way of thinking but these are the memories you gonna cherish all your life with each passing year on that very 'special day'.

PLeas'd look forward, pleas'd to look behind,
And count each birthday with a grateful mind
HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY TO ME.

Nothing but new

So, moments ago I thought of putting something after an exile of more than a month. First thing came to my mind was 'TZP's nomination for Oscar' but fell flat in between, it was boring as hell. Then i thought of writing on latest economic crisis, bomb blasts in india, EPL first month review, ICL snatch up of Bangla players, Big boss season 2 blah blah blah but i couldn't write anything. Seems like everything i thought is so much in news that everybody is tired of that including my own thoughts. I am really unable to think of anything new. So many things going on in life, i really need two full days to put everything to an end which are bugging me from last few weeks. So here i am writing about 'nothing'.

Its a well known fact that i am the only one reading this blog with a handful of others who keep checking this to tatter me over the various discussions but i loved the last smack i got few days back over my MAY post 'INFLATION EQUATION'. I think that's the only response i got over that post so finally my 1 hour effort didn't go in vain, there are still some people who like craps...way to go.

So, i logged in but i had nothing to write about and i couldn't see my same posts over and over again and suddenly i thought of giving it a new look instead of a new blog. Probably its an unglamorous attempt of my dream to have my own website one day where i can put every little shit of this world but looking at my lazometer it is in the best interest of everybody to use the features Blogger is providing. I am looking to make it more dynamic with some new features and will keep on updating with few good articles which i liked along with my favorite videos over you tube, quotes, soccer news and offffcourse movies.

Hope it will get me a couple of more frequent hits, just a lame attempt but enough to keep me and this blog survive for few more days.

ABHINAV BINDRA BLOG

Next three days after creating the HISTORY. Its something from Abhinav Bindra's Blog...

In search for some normalcy..... Thursday, August 14, 2008 – 6:39 PM
I won the gold and my world has exploded. I like to keep to my self with my familiar comforts. While the attention is flattering, at the same time there is this constant glare of scrutiny which I can really do without. I am so looking forward to being home in my familiar comfort zone. I have flirted with the idea of donning a disguise and running away for a month till the euphoria passes and life gets to normal. Unfortunately that’s not an option just as of now. But hey, it’s a fun fantasy.I am happy to know that air guns are running off the shelves across India. From the many will come the few who can be groomed to go all the way. However, I would like to caution all potential shooters out there that firearms are not toys. Prudence is essential in their use. Please be careful not to cause hurt to any living creature.

the end to my Olympics.... Wednesday, August 13, 2008 – 9:20 AM
So it is now over and the time for me to return home has arrived. I know my life is not goign to be even close to the same upon return but it is something i am going to have to embrace and actually enjoy which i am at this moment finding way more daunting than shooting...The truth is i am scared because it is not somethign i am familiar it but i would like to take this opportunity to thank all my fans and all my well wishers who have rooted for me and all those who have left such kind comments on the blog page as well.i have finished reading all the comments but i am hoping to catch up once i am home and the media hype dies down.I also want to wish the other participating the best of luck...although i am not going to be around seeing them at the village i will be definitely rooting for them from back home. I am hoping we cna come back with some more medals because we have all worked so hard and really deserve some more.

Monkey off my back!!!!!!!! Tuesday, August 12, 2008 – 5:32 PM
More than the joy, elation, euphoria my strongest feeling is a release from a thousand kilo weight that has been daunting me for the last 12 years.I am really really happy that i could deliver for my country and all the indian athletes who are trying and working just as hard as me.I have a strong feeling that we are going to win more medals at these games and it is going to be great to be able to watch my compatriots without any thoughts like my training and event off my mind.I really hope this is the beginning of a journey of many more medals for India and glory for our great country and its people.

I feel like being in a new territory

Abhinav winning THE olympic gold in SHOOTING
India winning the AFC Cup in SOCCER
Lee-Hesh close to an olympic medal in TENNIS
Saina Nehwal thrashing Top seeded players in BADMINTON
Delhi hosting COMMONWEALTH games
Vijay Mallya bought a FORMULA ONE team
Anil Ambani looking to buy NEWCASTLE UNITED
.
.
.
.
The IMMORTALS are unable to play a rookie spinner in Sri Lanka..
.
.
Something is wrong here

HOTEL TEAM INDIA

In a packed Ashoka hotel, selection was taking place
Here i am Dhepack Tourasia, with cameraman shailesh
Up ahead in the distance, i saw a shimmering light
I couldn't stop my laugh, she was sharad pawar's wife
There she puked in the doorway, I heard Kiran More's yell
And i was thinking to myself, Ganguly must be beating chappell
Then she announced the captain, it was Shinde
There were media men in the corridor, I heard them say..

Welcome to the hotel team india
Such a crooky place
Such a crooky place
Plenty of bookies in the hotel team india
Any time of year, you can find it here

He got the hamstring injury, but he is not sad
He got the Airtel ad, so he is glad
How he plays in the matches, is doesn't matter
At the end of year, he gets 'Arjun Award' letter
So I called up the captain, 'please bring me a victoree
He said, 'we haven't had that spirit here since nineteen eighty three'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night, Just to hear them say...

I will gift you a flat in lokhandwala
Just for losing a match
Just for losing a match
Plenty of rooms in the flat of lokhandwala
And one maruti esteem, to all your team

Black label on the table, the pink champagne on ice,
Gavaskar said 'I am the consultant here, i will only give advice'
And in the wrestling arena, they gathered to fight,
Harbhajan slapped Sreesanth once again, Chawla got pissed because of his height
Last thing I remember, I was Running for the phone,
I had to call the police but there was only an engage tone,
'relax' said the Dalmiya, this is the latest requirement,
Mr Pawar has done it a lot of time, in the parliament !!

And then they all laughed at me and sang along the way,
Kumble was biting his nails in the corner,Just to hear them say,

Come for the Indian team selection
Fifty lakhs a year
Fifty lakhs a year
And we assure you a place in the team,
for Zimbabwe tour, for Zimbabwe tour

GOLDEN TURKEY

All around the time we see some self proclaimed movie critics imposing their reviews on innocent junta. I really don't understand how true they are as i have never seen any Yash Chopra movie, howsoever ridiculous it is, getting less than 6/10 other than JBJ aka jhoom barabar jhoom. In all the theaters, watchmen had a hard time and they named it JBJ aka Jaago Bete Jaago.If there are any 'Indian Golden Turkey' awards, i think there are a whole bunch of movies which can make it.Have a look at those chosen ones which have got rating in between 1 to 3 (highest number of votes) in my list.

Rating 1 - The 'EYE FLU' movies - These kind of movies are really hazardous to your eyes and brain, highly recommended to stay away from them all the time. They are so irritating that even a promo of these movies can give you black eye.Though i haven't watched any of them but i wont even dare to watch even if i am offered a free full body massage by Stacy Kiebler.

The top nominations in this category are :

1) Pyaare mohan - I am not anti-Vivek and Fardeen but Tom, Dick and Harry has given me so much pleasure that i am in no mood to watch another set of sick jokes on handicapped and crippled.Only watch if you are too buzzed to understand anything.

2) Laga Chunari mein daag - Despite of all the gaga over Rani's acting,you need to watch this piece of crap by YashRaj camp to acknowledge her talent..she has already proved herself in Black, Yuva and Saathiya.Only watch if you are enjoying a porn channel and your younger brother rushes around looking for his basketball.

3) Rocky 'The Rebel' - Even if the Zayed aura alone was not enough, here you have 'Zayed the rebel'. I am sure it will be a laugh riot watching him ACTING as angry young man and a lover boy with the same twisted face but i will prefer 'Jo bole so nihaal' or 'Big Brother'if i need some headache.

The 'VENOMOUS EYE FLU' actor - The winner in this category is none other than Uday Chopra.He has been unsuccessfully launched more than 1st ever Russian satellite to moon.The 'DEADLY EYE FLU' director - Who else? Deepak Tijori it is. I dont believe he is still making films after OOPs, Tom DIck and Harry and Khamoosh..


Rating 2 - The 'Maggi Noodles' movies - These movies are so well crafted that even 2 minutes of them can turn you into a killer and you wish to hit the person right behind you to get some payback of your money back. It is highly advisable to change the channel as soon as you get glimpse of any of them.

1) I see You - Please please please change it to I 'will never' see you. Arjun Rampal's home production looks as bad as structure of other production houses who dared to make movie with Arjun Rampal.Even the first look of this movie can make you feel sick and probably you need a week of YOGA classes to stabilize yourself.

2) Asambhav - What to say ? The name says it all. I watched it for 20 minutes and i got nightmares in the night where Arjun Rampal 'the Hulk' was sent to rescue Indian President. Come on...its Indian president, one guy and that too Arjun Rampal. Even the choice was indigestible..i would have loved to watch Sunny Paaji doing Gadar in Switzerland.

3) Gayab - How can there be any list without the mention of 'tFussssar Kapoot'. I still cant distinguish between his Smile [Mujhe Kucch Kehna Hai], Anger[Khakee], bewilderment [Golmaal] and Comedy [Dhol]. He is Its better he is 'Gayab' in the whole movie but even the other characters are so irritating that you need a whole lot of sleeping pills after that.

The 'MAGGIE NODDLE' actor - No prizes for guesses, its a tie between Arjun Rampal and TFusssar Kapoot.The 'MAGGIE NOODLE' director - It took me little longer to remember but no doubt its Sunny's favorite Guddu Dhanoa. Not enough..just check out few of his classics in recent years[BigBrother,Kismat,Jaal:TheTrap,Hawa,Aflatoon,Ziddi,TuChorMainSipahi,Gundaraj,Elaan] ...moreover he is the only guy which i couldn't find on wikipedia in my entire search history. A typical 'MAGGI' stuff.


Rating 3 - The 'MARUTI SUZUKI' movies - Just like the ad where a child cries 'Papaji, petrol khatam hi nahi hota', they are so much 'paisa vasool' that they keep on going and going and going, and the time your are out of cinema hall half of your hairs are not on your head because of scratching and half has turned white.Highly recommended for those who like all those
stupid Saas-Bahu sagas.

1) Umrao Jaan - Wow...if you have missed the entire Mughal history, this is the movie to watch out for..it is equivalent to 30 documentaries on entire Akbar's parliament. You can take a sleep for 4 hours and wake up and can still find the scene at the same place..the only classy thing about this movie is Anu Malik's music...its too classy.Ranbaxy got its music rights and are promoting free with their sleeping pills.

2) Ek Chotti si love story - I think it got some terrible mistake in editing, almost one scene is repeated 7-8 times in the entire movie and only other scene is 'the end'.Its like star gazing, you see same things again and again in the desire to find something and end up with a freaky DECCAN AIRWAYS craft which you misunderstand as some UFO. It can be used as a puzzle
in quiz competitions...identify the difference between these two pictures.The only difference is zoom of the telescope which that teenager use to spy on Manisha's body double.

3) Yaadein - Its not a movie actually, its a music album with one song 'Baatein bhool jaati hai, yaadein yaad aati hai' with a three hour mournful music video. Its better for me to leave it the way it is.

The 'MARUTI SUZUKI' actor - Its none other than Aftab Shivdasani. this guy is still working like Maruti Suzuki ESTEEM without even a single decent hit in 10 years.I didnt know there are so many homosexuals in India.The 'MARUTI SUZUKI' director - Its s.Ramanathan, the guy who made movie 'Zamannat' (1997-2007). It is said that it took around 10 years to release. Reliable sources has reported that Ramanathan used to go to Diamond mines in Africa, work
for 1 year, come back when he get enough budget for the movie and then start shooting again. It reminds you of the days when Big B had black beard, anupam Kher had some last crop of hairs and Ayub Khan had Vicco advertisement.

SPECIAL RECOGNITION - VAADA - Here you have both Arjun Rampal and Zayed Khan..gem of a movie.

This list can never end and wait for the time we come back with next category of awards. Indian cinema is full of masterpieces.

The Chosen one

A sigh, a whisper took my breath away
she almost knocked me off, crossing my way
her glittering eyes, left me ice cold
an incomplete story, still unfold
I was mesmerized, it looked evident
today, i escaped another accident !!

BELIEF - HOPE - TRUTH

Each time I question the presence of the superpower which is driving this whole world, i always find myself at the intersection of a two way street, one way going towards the illuminated path which is said to be the source of an immortal energy in this universe and another towards a deep dark endless road where i don't know what exists.Its always tough to decide which way to go because the long endless road is an interesting prospect with a hope to discover something new, something which has more concrete presence than just a 'BELIEF'.I call this illuminated road as 'BELIEF' and darkened road as 'HOPE'.Its more difficult to decide as whenever i wake up in the morning, i wake up with a new HOPE, a hope to achieve what i was dreaming every yest er night but that hope is more like a mirage because of the 'BELIEF' that dreams are never real.

Its easier to follow BELIEF as it is well illuminated and most of the time i follow this path when i am in hurry but it is monotonous, there is no turn and you feel dizzy...a feeling of boredom. Everything is so much pre-defined and concrete.People always sitting nearby ocean staring the huge sun over them,relaxing, there is no fear, no hurry. I reach my destination with no difficulty,its all well decorated but something is missing. HOPE is dark but full of fun, I avoid to go there usually but whenever i go, i feel refreshed i see the people making a stair to sun, some kids trying to walk on the water and clouds drinking tea at a restaurant.And after few miles, there is a desert, its nothing out there but some bubbles flying in the air, i touched one and a butterfly came out of it. There is always something in those bubbles but few of them have thrones which tear your hands, face and body each time you touch them. Sometimes, i reach less injured but sometimes i am badly hurt whenever i reach my home.I sleep but it hurts, i am not able to sleep properly.

The BELIEF is enclosed in a box with thick walls where everything is so pre-defined and its easier to go that way, HOPE is tough but it makes you stronger and surge a new energy inside you.History is the witness that whenever HOPE has overpowered BELIEF, it has changed this world. There was a belief that nobody can take out East India Company from India, Gandhi-Bose started with a HOPe and turned the table.It was said to be impossible to cross the Pacific and believed there is a monster on the other side, now its just a matter of few hours.

HOPE has got its existence from the BELIEF, not the other way round and HOPE is just to make BELIEF more meaningful, whatever way we follow there will always be a point where our BELIEF will merge to our HOPE and at that point we will get a new way towards TRUTH.

I just thought...

We love Batman, We love Superman
We love Spiderman, We love Ironman
We love Hawkman, We love Aquaman

When will We learn to love Human ??

INVENTED : INFLATION EQUATION

Once again, everybody is crying out loud about inflation which is rising inversely in proportion to skirt length of Mallika Sherawat.I did a close study on this deviation previous night and have come up with a formula to calculate Inflation vs skirt length ratio.

IR = [Skirt Length of Mallika(in inches)/NP] + ^g -^s (keeping other factors constant)
Where
IR = Inflation rate
NP = No of parties involved in coalition government
^g = Rate of decrease in US aid to india
^s = Rate of change of Shiv sena's anti-vulgarity protest

Variable 1 : Skirt length of Mallika

Although looks difficult but that's a pretty simple equation which can be used in all the scenarios.Now, how I deduced that equation with the kind of intelligence i have, can be an interesting point.Inflation has risen rapidly since 2002-03 and if we take a close look at the Indian market condition at that time it is evident that it is the period when iconic Mallika sherawat entered into Indian film industry.But how mallika is related to Inflation. Here are the few factors which caused Inflation due to mallika's entrance.

1) Excessive use of Mobile phones : As her sensational performances kept on coming, people started gossiping more and more about her, hundreds and thousands of SMSes flooded during that time. she became an household name in lesser time than Nirma detergent power.People started wishing even birthdays on mallika's messages like "Ishwar kare Hardin Aapki khushiyan Petrol Ke bhav ki badhe, aur aapke gum Mallika Sherawat ke Kapdon ki tarah ghaten.". Airtel has calmed that this SMS has hit their network 15,000,00 times on Vajpayee's birthday, more than the amount she got for her first movie.She imposed a huge usage of mobile phones and pre-paid cards which market was not ready to handle it

2) Increase in sale of 'pan-bidi-chai' : Even in the small cities, the post work gathering sessions started getting longer and longer as people started discussing more and more about her mesmerizing performances in 'Murder' and sipping tea and puffing more bidi and sutta, Nathu pan wala shortly launched a PBC combo for rupees 12. Demand was so huge that PBS industry was unable to meet the requirements of their mouth watering products and all PBS walas increased their prices.
As the people started spending more and more on phones and PBS, their monthly savings decreased and they started to cut their expenditure on clothes which lead towards not so common short skirts(although claimed as a fashion but it was more due to money crunch) which further caused garment industry to smuggle more material from adjacent Bangladesh.

There are many more factors which can be i thought upon and i am convinced that main factor which lead to a sudden rise in inflation was indeed Mallika.

Variable b : Stability of Indian Government

This is again a tricky but simple point.More and more parties are involved in a coalition government, less are the chances of price to get increased for a particular thing in respective states. As our government lies on such a small stone that even a small party like Janta dal Union (which doesn't have enough funds to buy Ram Bilas Paswan a good blade) can make them sneeze so whenever finance minister tries to increase some revenues by rising prices, the party from the state consuming most part of it baffles and it has to be revoked by the government. Maharashtra and Delhi parties never allow price hike on fuel, Southern parties never allows price hike on cosmetics, Bengalis never allows price hike on Cigarettes and Bihar never let proposal of new educational institution pass.Govt has to put everything out of their pocket.The quota to a state is decided by number of MPs which are there supporting from that state.

Variable 3 : Rate of decrease in American aid to india

This factor needs no explanation as everybody knows how much independent we are, our stock markets reveals that regularly.

Variable 4 : Rate of change of Shiv sena's anti-vulgarity protest

Everyone scold Shiv sena for their rude attitude but nobody can deny that when shiv sena was in power, inflation was very much under control. Shiv sainiks used to enter every place wherever there was any sort of western activities like dancing, singing, cricket matches, award ceremonies or pravachans. They never allowed people to involve into Mallika oriented things and kept the country on the same old track for as in medieval India. Whenever they start protesting against anything, ladies stops wearing western clothes(like short skirts which as specified, is a big factor for inflation) and turn back to regular Salwar kurtas.They never allow people to get addicted to anything and keep market on track. I wonder how did Balasaheb foresaw that thing fifteen years ago. Now he wears thick glasses.

Combining all the factors an keeping them at respective places, this equation can be proved perfect, more perfect than Netwon's laws of motion.

Interesting theory, isn't it :):):)

GRANTed - Avram - The unsung Hero

Date - April,30,2008 (Just after CL semi final against Liverpool. Chelsea won 3-2).

After their historic win against Liverpool in Champions League second leg, there will be a flood of articles praising Avram Grant all over but i think this guy deserves more than a praise at least from a critic turned fan like me.

Nobody can tell better than 'big mouth' Jose Mourinho that how it feels to manage giants like Chelsea. His 4 year tenure at Stamford Bridge saw some historic moments in the club history comprising of winning premiership title after 5 decades and that too back to back, FA cup and Carling cup. He went on to win at least one silverware every season no way its a small
achievement for a club who didn't win Premiership for 50 years. but it was not enough for a club which has brought up each and every big name into the squad from around the world. Jose's inability to qualify for Champions League final consecutive years fell upon him and he was sacked after a not so convincing start for the season 2007-08.Then there came a name from
nowhere Avram Grant.

Grant although didn't have any major achievement on his back other than helping Israel to secure third place in Euro Qualifiers, his inclusion was more debatable because he was a close Friend of Abramovich. Nobody at stamford bridge was ready to accept that including players who came out openly against Mourinho sacking. Supporters were on rampage as they wanted
somebody big as big as players and not an introvert like Avram. No wonder he started his season as badly as he could losing 2-0 to United but then he started opening his cards.

Till March end, the EPL title fight was all revolving around United and Gunners despite of Chelsea's 16 match unbeaten streak and there perfect record at Stamford Bridge, almost everybody signed them off but Avram.There was a silent wind from Chelsea
which nobody heard until it turned into a storm. The storm which has led them equal to United in the table. It is evident that title will be decided only by the very last match unless Chelsea loose its run unexpectedly.

Avram took on the Diamond ship which was already very well made by his predecessor but this ship was sinking.Avram knew it from day 1 that he is in 'No man's land' with no support from anybody else other than Abramovich and his team.The silent man
led to some dead football in the beginning which was far far and far boring than the football being played by Liverpool, United and Arsenal but they were winning...silently.Everywhere there were news that Drogba, Ballack, Lampard and Shevchenko were not happy but they were still scoring. It was like a Pheonix, re-inventing from its own ashes.


They were never called good enough to compete in Europe an in some sense critics can still prove that as they didn't have to play any big team in champions league till quarter final stages. Only team which i think was big enough to match Chelsea was Valencia which is still fighting for its relegation in La Liga. They went on for a mixed results of win and draw in group
stages but Avram had other plans for Knock out stages. They went on to kill Olympiakos, Fenerbahce and now Liverpool to the Champions League final. Something which 'Special One' like Mourinho couldn't do in three years, Avram has done it in less than a year and that too with the same team.Nobody wanted to believe in Avram and i was no different but guiding Chelsea to their first ever Champions League final and standing neck to neck in table in Premiership has silenced all his critics, i am no different.

Whatever it is but Avram has prove every worth of his by proving each and every football 'pundit' wrong out there and all i can say is that Avram Football is GRANTed.

In the end, some famous chants against Avram from Chelsea supporters.

1) Avram out! Avram out!
2) Who are ya! Who are ya!
3) Are you Jose? Are you Jose! Are you Jose in disguise!
4) Do-do-doo, lets all hire Avram, Ooo-ooo-ooo, then we might score a goal.


A critic turned fan. Hats off Avram !!
(Being a united fan, i can see Chelsea losing both Premiership and Champions league final to Red Devils but Avram has emerged as undisputed hero for me this season)

Desert rain

Devil has come again for the third time this year,
Hopes are vanishing, a deep dark cloud of fear everywhere,
the prayers are all in vain, it will be dark again,
but he is standing in the corner watching all this helplessly

This is my turn, he swears to himself firmly,
either i have to die or have to liberate them from this catastrophe,
the wounds ain't gonna heal like this, i am doubting my existence,
its shaking their belief, their patience deserve end to this unwanted persistence

It is getting bigger and bigger like a boastful monster, yes monster it is,
looking to destroy anything and everything, deaf to all the screams,
fading their last hope and shattering all the dreams,
Laughing like a maniac and proud on its atypical past victories

He gathers all his courage and roars upon the devil,
a push behind so hard, he stumbles but don't fall on its knees,
he was never so determined, a gross utterance on his face,
Devil is shaken but this sudden attack, but still sure of his victory,

After a struggle of entire night, their tears are overcome by a swift smile,
they have seen this after decades, the devil turmoils, running back hastily,
the sky is all black, but they like this black, their souls are getting bright again,
finally he has conquered all his fears and bestowed upon them

Today he will cry as a 'DESERT RAIN'........

Roadies 5 - Freaking me out !!

Roadies 5 - Freak out Show

MTV has always fascinated me with their unconventional ways of putting the things up, especially for the indian youth. Be it MTV Bakra, Fully Faltoo, MTV Select, MTV kick ass or MTV GPL, there is always an aura and appeal about them. Likewise, When they started their reality show Roadies some 5 years back, it was like an italian curry in maharashtrian food.There was never ever a concept of 13 bachelors wandering all over the country on their Karizmas and performing tasks which were only seen in FEAR FACTOR at that time. Over a period of time, this show has ruled minds and hearts of young guns of India and in season 5, it is termed as one of the most watched show on Indian television.I started following Roadies from season 3. Went on to become a die hard fan in season 4 but in season 5, i think its freaking me out.


As usual, the season started with the auditions, my favorite part about roadies :):). The only new thing which i anticipated at that time was 'Roadies goes International' but later i realized how it means to be International. some furious auditions by two best 'I will take the hell out of you' guys on small screen Nikhil and Raghu kept the ball rolling with some sensational dance numbers by hot chics during auditions. I have never really understood what they look into a Roadie, I know if i try i can only become a Toadie but even none of them knew what the judges were looking for. When I looked at all the 13 roadies, i was really skeptical whether they will be able to retain the heights which roadies 4 had given to the show.

The craziest and ridiculously brilliant thing about this show is just before every vote out, they show you things and make you believe whoz gonna be on the receiving end but right in the vote out, they put a stipulation which keeps you on your toes even after the end of the show. It started with a bang when they had a double vote out in very first vote out and in
very first episode.I was little disappointed as they voted out one of the hot chics down there. Amazingly, in episode 5 when there were equal number of votes against Anmol and Prabhjot just before the vote out Ranvijay put a condition that if there is a draw between the two Roadies in getting the highest number of votes against them, then both those Roadies will be safe and again all the Roadies will vote with those two Roadies safe to vote-out one from rest of the six....WWWWWWacked....and it happened. Similarly, in one of the episodes when it was almost certain that Shambhavi will be vote out, she won her luck on roulette table and 'Guruji' who plotted the entire game was voted out. I am very much fond of the way Raghu-Ranvijay and team analyse the situation and come up with a neck-breaker in the very end....I simply love it.


Despite of all these twists, my initial fear has come up a bit true. Although the Roadies show has outcasted previous season in terms of tasks and plot but Roadies have not live up to the expectations. they cant ride a bike and had got accidents twice. They are pathetic in all the tasks and most of them dont even know who is the president of India. I didnt even get a
single roadie who has shown caliber to perform any task...a roadie spirit.They are spending more time in groupism and bitching stuff.In the very last episode which aired last week, Raghu was so frustrated that he called back all the voted out Roadies and put a straight task ahead of the current ones. "Beat them and show them you are better or pack your bags, you dont deserve to go International". I felt irritated in the very beginning as it was a bit unfair to the roadies who have survived till now but later i found that it was best in the interest of roadies.Then we had a task where They really took the hell out of themselves and now i am convinced that they are best of the lot.


Here we have six roadies going International, Ashu,Nihal,Sambhavi,Sonel,Prabhjot and Vibhor. I am putting my money on Ashutosh this time, the only guy here with Kick ass attitude and a true roadie spirit.There is so much which i wanna write, particularly about the contestants but I gotta go and catch a fish. It doesnt need to be a Roadie for that...right ??

Arsenal - No Guts, No Glory

I am not an Arsenal fan but i like their attacking football. This article is taken from Goal.com and although none of them are my thoughts, i must agree with every word of it :) :)

Arsenal - No Guts, No Glory


What a poor few weeks this has been for Arsenal’s hopes of being crowned Premiership champions. Indeed, all Arsenal fans should look away now, as a recap of their recent Premiership form makes for less than pleasant reading.
The Gunners are without a win in the league since February 11th, and have managed to claim only a paltry four points out of a possible fifteen. Simply put, it is a shocking collapse - more reminiscent of relegation form than that of title contenders. Newcastle United, Fulham and Sunderland have all taken more points from their last five games.
This disappointing run included this Sunday’s crucial 2-1 defeat to title rivals Chelsea, in a game that provides a worrying microcosm of the current problems afflicting the Arsenal team.
Although the Gunners managed to take the lead through Bacary Sagna’s first goal for the club, the stage was then set for Ivorian powerhouse Didier Drogba to play the key role in Chelsea’s emphatic comeback, with the striker scoring the two goals that saw the men from Stamford Bridge usurp Arsenal in the chasing pack behind league leaders, Manchester United.
However, not only was the loss itself a bitter blow to the Gunners' title aspirations, but as Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger noted after the game, “I feel we have some defensive problems which we need to sort out. We got caught on the long balls and the physical battle."
Anyone who saw the style in which Chelsea pummelled Arsenal with sheer ferocity after going behind will agree fully with the Arsenal manager’s rather honest assessment of his team's weakness.
Whilst it is to Arsene Wenger’s credit that he has been able to assemble a team capable of proving the point that football is 'the beautiful game', there comes a point where necessity must come hand in hand with artistry if a team is to fully prosper.
As such, there can be no doubt that the soft underbelly displayed by the Arsenal backline bullied into submission by Chelsea is their Achilles' heel. This seemed to be something that Arsene Wenger was previously aware of, with his title winning Arsenal teams of the past being manned by players of the physical capabilities of Tony Adams, Martin Keown and Patrick Vieira.
Indeed, even flying French winger Robert Pirès stood at a height of over 6 feet. Whilst all these players were capable of reaching the high technical standard expected by Wenger, they were also able to stand up tall in the face of the challenges presented by the less complex and more basic nuances of the game.
This, however, cannot be said of the current Arsenal team that boasts a first choice backline consisting of no player that stands above 6 feet tall, and which has exhibited an alarming inability to prosper in the overtly physical world that is the Premiership.
Indeed, they did earlier in the season - fresh and in peak form. For that, they deserve due credit. But with the demands peaking as the season moves into overdrive, and a couple of injuries here and there, all of a sudden, opponents saw something to aim at.
This Sunday’s match against Chelsea more than proved this viewpoint, with the Arsenal midfield being over ran by the power of Michael Essien when he was switched to his more favoured central position, and a defence that simply could not withstand the Blues' striking duo of Nicolas Anelka and Didier Drogba, when Chelsea manager Avram Grant made the all important decision to introduce the ex-Arsenal striker to the fray.
Whilst it would undoubtedly serve as a blow to Wenger’s ego, he really should look no further than the examples set by his fellow title contenders if he is to see the blueprint of what it will take to get Arsenal’s name back on the Premiership crown.
How often will you see Chelsea's centre back pairing of John Terry and Ricardo Carvalho be run ragged and physically undermined? Even in their worst games, that is very unlikely to be the case.
Furthermore, Wenger should also see the doctrine laid out by Sir Alex Ferguson’s Manchester United side, in which players of an exuberance and flair to match the brilliance of Wenger’s own side are backed up by an ironclad defence that has managed to concede a miserly 15 goals in the league so far this season.
It is imperative for Arsenal that he starts setting up defences of the quality of Manchester United’s and Chelsea’s to stand any hope of ending his side's four year wait to claim another Premiership trophy - now set to become at least five.
However, the Arsenal backline will be unnerved to find out that this weekend’s fixture list sees them travel to Bolton Wanderers, who, in the Sam Allardyce era, had made a canny habit of roughing Arsenal up. It might be easier this time - with Anelka having made his impact on Sunday - but the damage might already have been done, one fears.
We love your football Arsene, but some steel in the midriff would not hurt.

espléndida

Dine in and Dine out,
Log in and Log out,
Drink in and puke out,
Yes Ma'm and jump out,
Hold her and slap loud,
Think in and wipe out,
Salary in and Credit out,
Wife in and Life out,
Freak in and Hang out,
Two pegs and knocked out,
No cash and thrown out,
movies and nite out,
Aimless and always doubt,
No future, who care about,
Nobody knows his whereabouts

Day of an Engineer !!

A dog like and a dog-alike

Dogs are very important parts of our lives in india. They are referenced just anywhere and everywhere. The day we are born, we start understanding what it means to be a dog. When you are just three, you get a toy where dog barks when you tweak his ears, you love them. When you are five, mom makes you stuff milk and pulses saying 'If you wont eat, i will leave you to the dog
next door'. Here, you hate them. When you are ten, they wag their tails when you are roll in the muddy field along with them. you love them again. When you are thirteen, they bite you for the first time which leads you to get your first injection since age 5, you hate them again. When you become sixteen, you get one of your own and you love them seeing jumping and
moving around, you love them most. When you turn twenty, street dogs bark at you because they cant tolerate your alien hairdo or the noise of your vehicle. You hate them most here. When you are 23, your girlfriend call you dog and you love that like never before. This is a
vicious circle which goes on till the time you find that there are some other kind of dogs in this world as well and at that moment you find your true love and respect for dogs. The moment you realise the difference between a 'dog' and a 'dog alike'.


These other kind of dogs are American dogs basically born and brought up in america. Actually they are not dog, they can be chow chow, pekepoo, papoo, goldador, french bull dog but you just cant call them as 'dog'. The major characteristics of these tribes are :
1) Peaceful-They never bark or create any kind of noise even if you jump on their tail holding 15 kg weights in each hand.
2) Coward-They never run behind your vehicles, you can honk them and disturb their sleep any number of times but they dont
have courage to revenge for that.
3) Lazy-They dont eat shit. They live on artificial dog food having blah blah amount of proteins and fats which keep them
lazier.
4) Well-mannered- They always sit on the backseats of your car with their seatbelts on and greet everybody who passes them
by. They even warns their owner whenever they have to shit. Owners buy a seperate car and hires a bangladeshi driver to give
them a regular evening ride.
5) GentleDOG-They wear clothes like superman tees, sandos, ribbons, ties and cap. They can not be chained as it is against
their fundamental rights.

These 'dog alikes' have similar rights as normal human beings apart from the fact that you can touch a human being and will not get sacked in any offense. The only time they forced to bark is the time when they have intercourse with a female 'dog alike' under the legal terms and supervision of attorney where it is being taken care that both should be equally
involved and pleased.If any of them stop barking then the concerned party has to pay hefty penalty of not attending the other party in a dignified manner. The puppies' ownership is decided by a superbowl game between two families where family getting knocked out have to pay for puppies' primary education for seven years and clean their shit.


Obviously, when dog power is so strong they need to have seperate attention. Here you find dog clinics which specializes in a particular breed of dog only, dog maternity homes where they keep the track of how many puppies can be delivered upto the safe limit, dog parks where dogs can have water-rides, zakoozee, meditation centre and volleyball courts. There are hundreds of
events like dog olympics, dogs paralympics, miss bitch USA, miss teen bitch USA, mr bull dog usa, mr hot dog usa, mr cool dog usa, mr powerful usa, american idol etc etc.There are awards for them as well like 'most silky hairy dog' who gets one year advertising agreement from Garnier, 'most efficient bitch' where criteria is how many puppies she can deliver in a single shot, 'best dog in comic role', 'best dog in Van Hausen shirt' etc etc. I was just wondering if we have similar awards in india they will be like 'best cracky sounding dog', 'dog with alright
four legs', 'dog who never eat shit', 'dog who bath twice a week', 'dog who looks better than chandrachud singh'.


I remember once an american dog came to visit india to one of his indian dog friend, he asked for a massage parlour. It took our indian dog three hours to understand what he was trying to say and when finally american dog rolled on the ground and rubbed his body twice, indian dog jumped with a cunning smile and took him to a stable where they freaked out for an hour. American dog felt happy of his hospitality and gave indian dog KFC chicken wings which his entire family of 13 gulped in less than 13 seconds.Then they watched 'teri meharbaniyan' together and indain dog cried 18th time after watching the same movie.

Whatever its like but whenever you mean 'dog' it means someone with a raw attitude, who can go beyond the limits, a macho with a macho face and stubborn look. Someone who can give and take life on a single command.I wish someday in future the 'dog-alikes' identify their true destiny and become dogs finally. I will dare to watch 'teri meharbaniyan' that day.

Koffee with Karan : Ricky Ponting

Karan: Hello everybody today we have a special guest in our show.Surprisingly, he is not from film fraternity but he has prvoed himself a very good actor on and off the field.Let me introduce you to our today's guest...Australian captain Ricky Ponting.

(Lagan music played in the background...ricky enters. Karan kisses him on his cheeks. )

Karan : Welcome ricky, its nice to have you here. how it feels like to be called as 'invincible' for so many years.
Ricky : Thanks Karen. Its a great felling and all credit goes to tremendous hardwork put in by boys in recent years. Apart from usual training sessions they have been involved in various mental toughness activites. Symonds go for Victoria Secret's 'im no more scary' classes to keep his face well hidden behind his thick mop of crabshits, i mean hairs. Earlier, umpires used to shut their eyes whenever 'Roy' used to appeal for a leg before and caught behinds.
I remember once Billy Bowden pissed on his bed when he dreamt about Roy's furious appeal. Warne goes a full time course at Psycatric Rehabilitaion Centre immediately after India tours, Kasprowicz also accompanied him once just after Sharjah tour. I go to 'i can play off-spin' classes conducted by Gavin Robertson. you know everybody can play his off-spin so he has a good experience there. We generally have a brain-storming abusing session where we tie Hayden to a pole wearing mask of zorro and McGrath, Gillespie and lee abuse him and beat him with hunter.Bucknor goes for a 'make me white' personality development course...oops sorry.


(Baba Ramdev pravachans are played in background, Karan take out a pic of SRK from his pocket and starts staring lustily,
ponting starts solving yesterday's soduku).


(After 20 minutes).

Karan : Ricky, what is your opinion about GURU GREG,how good coach he is after a recent mess up in India.
Ricky : I respect GREG as much as i respect underarm. he is , you know a revolutionist.I idolize him since the day he discoverd under arm bowling.Once he told me about a magic trick called as 'BATMAN' where players constantly recite batman movie dialogues around a new batsman like 'You can't get away from Batman that easy, JOKER !!'. He gonna write a book on other tricks like SPIDERMAN, HEMAN, WEMAN, WHOMAN, WOMAN, PACMAN, YOMAN and yes, AXEMAN (ganguly knows this one better...giggles).(Sidhu laughters are played in background).He watched 300 until he found why this title was given to the movie and he was so inspired watching spartans figting againt thousands of barbarians that he never even care of billions(of
indians).


(300 dailogues are played in the background from various indian movies, Karan takes out pics of shirtless Salman Khan and starts $#%$#, ponting starts solving his sudoku).


(After 2 hours 36 minutes)...

Karan: Ricky, whom do you think is the most dangerous opponent batsman you have ever played with ?Ricky: No doubt, its NavJAT SIN SIDDU. First, he never brushes his teeths and secondly, whenver he comes to play he laughs on every chat on the ground. Several times players denied to field on silly point, slip and short leg as they got nausea becoz
of his bad breath.

(Sidhu laughters are palyed in background).

Stop it , now i am getting nausea. (Music stopped).some of his favorite all time jokes were whenever Healy used to say 'Come on warny get his ass', 'good ball boy', 'how wazzz thatttt', 'Right arm round the wicket' , 'wide ball' , 'drinks break',
'end of day's play'.

(Sidhu laughters are played again in the background, Ricky asks for spearmint gum, Karan takes out pic of Katrina kaif from his pocket and irritatingly put it back, then he takes out Aryan Vaid).

(After 1 and half minutes)...


Karan: So ricky, How do you prepare yourself before every TEST?Ricky: Well, if its Urine test, Buchanan ask us to go and piss in a bottle and add some acid to prevent oxidation. For blood
test, they take out some blood of Gilli and mixes it with . For alchohol test...i dont remember but i found they make some big spot on your ass.

Karan: Ok, Rick. We have a rapid fire round for you.Your questions, here it goes:
Question1: Which batsman scored century in his debut test against England.
Ricky enthusiastically interrupts.
Ricky: I dont need options, I know its answer. Mark Waugh ?
Karan: Your options are a) shahrukh khan b) John Abraham c) Aamir Khan d) Hrithik Roshan
Ricky: Who the hell are they ?
Karan: Sorry Ricky, its Aamir Khan in oscar nominated movie lagaan.(Sidhu laughters are played in background on this medievel
joke)

Question 2: Who is the highest run-getter of all time ? Your options are a) shahrukh khan b) John Abraham c) Aamir Khan d) Hrithik Roshan
Ricky : What the hell is this, Sachin Tendulkar is not even in the options.
Karan: Sorry, Ricky. Wrong again. Shahrukh khan in Karan Arjun...he runs in entire movie. No bollywood hero has run more than him ever not even balwant rai ka kutta. He is so cute naaa.

Question3 : Who among them have the best biceps in bollywood.

(A sound of tech director of the show from behind...this was for Mallika Sherawat show, u moron)
Karan : Ok, ricky..skip this question. Next question for you. Who is the greatest all time opener among them a) Shahrukh khan b) John Abraham c) Aamir Khan d) Hrithik Roshan
Ricky: Are you nuts ? Do they even play cricket ?
Karan: You are wrong once again Ricky, its Shahrukh. All his movies have best ever overseas opening record.(Sidhu laughters
are palyed in background).
Karan: Its your last question.Would you like to take me on dinner ?(A sound from behind...no personal questions please)

Karan: Who is called as 'Bengal Tiger' ?Ricky : Is it Saurav ganguly ?
Karan: No, you are wrong once again.Its Shahrukh Khan.(A sound from behind...he is right karan)
Karan: I was just kidding..its ganguly indeed. you performed amazing in this round. We heard you have very good frienship
with Harbhajan Singh. Tell us about that.
Ricky: We both wait a long time in the pavillion in between matches, he never get a chance to play and i get out early so
just a day before the match, me and BHAJI went to buy playstation. He likes 'Need for Speed' and so do I. On Vengaskar's suggestion, we purchased the same game for Irfan Pathan as well. We also play Tetris where my highest score is higher than his ODI ratings (giggles).

Now, we have a special guest for you here. Your close rival and indian off-spiner Harbhajan Singh.He will ask few questions and if you answer any of them correctly, you will get a Kismi Bar Hamper.
Ricky : Thats so easy. Call that moron.


Bhajji : Ricky, What did King Kong say when he called the wrong number?Ricky : He must have said 'sorry'.
Bhajji : No, he said 'King Kon ring wrong'.
(Sidhu laughters were played in background alond with Bishen singh bedi and moninder singh)

Bhajji : Next question, how much milk does my buffalo give ?
Ricky : What the hell is this !!
Bhajji : Just make a guess.
Ricky : 5 litres a day ?
Bhajji : You are wrong. I dont have a cow

(Delar mehandi song 'bolo tara rara' is played in the background)


Bhajji : Last question, How many seconds are in a year?
Ricky : Calculates for some time, that i know its around 31 556 926. Now, that Kismi bar hamper is mine.
Bhajji : No man, you are a complete idiot. Its 12 only, Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd etc
Karan : Sorry, ricky, you cudnt answer anthing. you have no knowledge about cricket, Maths, Movies and shahrukh khan.Get lost.This kismi bar hamper is for bhajji now. But i have something for you, its SRK's biography ‘Still Reading Khan’.


(Karan blushes, ricky bewilderes. Bhajji jumps and shouts "Kismi bar, Gimme a chance MR PAWAR !!")

Lights off...bhajji wake up suddenly and start counting stars....AGAIN.